A survey from LoveHoney found that 3 in 4 US citizens own a dildo, including 78% of women.
Further research has found that only 6% of women orgasm regularly from penetrative sex, leaving many ladies to look to sex toys in pursuit of the female orgasm.
In this 14-step guide, we look at how to use a dildo, from setting the mood to choosing the right dildo to different dildo techniques.
You might even have your first-ever orgasm!
Oh, and if you're worried about hiding your dildo, our sex toy storage guide has got you covered.
Let's dive in!
1. How to choose the right dildo
First things first, you need to choose the right dildo for you.
Big or small?
If you're a total newbie to female masturbation, you might want to try fingering yourself with 1 or 2 fingers or purchasing a small dildo before going any further. A small dildo would generally be around 5 inches or less in length - don't feel the need to use all the length if you're not comfortable.
Most ladies prefer a dildo which is around 6 inches in length. That's slightly longer than the average male penis size of around 5.2 inches, giving you a little extra length to work with. Remember that most of the vagina's sensitive nerve endings are a mere 2-3 inches inside!
If you're a real size queen, you can always opt for a larger 6-8 inch dildo to give you that "filled up" feeling and really hammer yourself deep during play. You can get 8+ inch sex toys, but then we start getting into extreme sex toy territory, and that's a whole other guide in itself!
Realistic or bright purple?
Are you looking for realism or fantasy? Perhaps you're not looking for a penis shape at all!
If you want the real deal, you can get many realistic silicone sex toys designed to feel similar to a real penis inside you. They're usually semi-flexible and feature details like throbbing veins, testicles, and a pronounced penis head.
Alternatively, you can get non-phallic dildos which look more like sexy pieces of plastic. These toys are perfect for lesbians or for women who just aren't that into penises.
You'll also find colorful fantasy dildos which are shaped like real penises but feature bright colors like pink and purple. You can even find toys like animal dildos which help with roleplay fantasies and certain fetishes and kinks.
What kind of design?
There are certain dildo design elements you might wanna take into account.
For example, are you going to use the dildo for anal? If so, you need to make sure it has a flared base which protrudes out to stop the toy from slipping inside your anus and getting lost in there (it happens!).
Also, if you want to ride your dildo instead of manually moving it in and out of your vagina, you should probably look for a dildo with a suction cup that can stick to any strong surface like a wall or hardwood floor.
Looking for additional sensations to enhance your pleasure? Try looking for dildos with unusual bumps and ridges along their shaft which add to your internal stimulation. Personally, I'm a big fan of corn on the cob dildos!
Silicone or glass?
Here at the Sex Toy Collective, we only recommend toys made from non-porous body-safe materials that don't harbor bacteria and cause infections.
Sadly, a lot of websites recommend dildos made from dangerous materials like PVC and jelly rubber, which are NOT safe for your vagina.
We recommend purchasing:
-Silicone dildos - silicone toys are versatile, come in different levels of firmness, and are really easy to clean and maintain... especially if they're medical-grade silicone
-Stainless steel dildos - these dildos are obviously very stiff and heavy, but are great for massaging your G-spot or experimenting with temperature play
-Glass dildos - glass sex toys are made from special reinforced glass - they're also very firm and ideal for temperature play
-Wooden dildos - wooden dildos aren't very common, but they're very firm and aesthetically pleasing
-Homemade dildos - If you're on a budget and you're looking to make a sex toy from everyday household materials, our homemade dildos guide can help
Our how to clean your sex toys guide has information on cleaning all of these materials.
2. Set the mood
Setting the mood is crucial before any sexual activity, whether it's solo or with others. You need to make sure you're in the right mood and environment for play or it's not going to be anywhere as fun and natural!
Try dimming the lights, playing some sexy music, making the room a nice temperature, watching some porn, reading some erotica, or simply touching yourself sexily.
I personally enjoy a glass of wine to loosen up, but don't go getting hammered if you're still new to dildo play.
Make sure you're in a comfortable environment where you won't be disturbed and you've got plenty of time to enjoy play - you can't rush these things!
3. Listen to your body
I know it sounds like hippie-dippie nonsense, but listen to your body before you start putting things inside it. If you're truly horny and your body is DTF, you'll kind-of "feel" that your pussy wants a dildo inside it.
On the other hand, if you touch your pussy and it starts to clench up and feel tense despite your best efforts to relax, it might be a sign that tonight isn't a great night or you should just focus on clitoral stimulation instead.
If your pussy is relaxed and giving you the green light, go for it!
4. Warm up your pussy
Unless you're horny AF, you'll probably need to "warm up" your pussy before you put a dildo inside it. Even the best dildos require a little warm-up play beforehand.
Here are some of the most effective ways to get your juices flowing:
-Rub your pussy - try rubbing the outside of your pussy to increase your arousal, focus the mind on the vagina, and maybe stimulate the clitoris
-Finger yourself - rather than diving straight in with your toy, lick 1 or 2 fingers and slowly insert them, paving the way for a bigger dildo
-Lube up - use some high-quality lube to get yourself in the mood for play by rubbing your pussy or lubing up a finger and inserting it inside you
One study found that 17% of pre-menopausal women suffer from vaginal dryness, making dildo play more difficult. If you find that your vagina doesn't naturally lubricate itself well, water-based lube is a great way to arouse yourself and make female masturbation more comfortable!
Our lube guide has more information on lubricants.
5. Deep thrusting dildo play
If you like the idea of a dildo thrusting deep inside you, I'd suggest using at least a little bit of water-based lube to make everything more comfortable. If you do use lube, try to keep your hands and the base of the toy lube-free to improve your grip. Keep a towel or wipes nearby.
Be careful to angle the toy correctly, towards the cervix but not toward the bladder. If you feel a slight urge to pee, it might be because you're slamming your bladder rather than your cervix. You could use a firm or semi-firm dildo for deep thrusting motions, depending on your preference.
Deep thrusting your dildo is hot, but be careful not to pound your cervix too severely or you might cause pain and soreness afterward. If you feel pain, slow down and use a less-aggressive technique.
6. Short and rapid strokes
Personally, I'm a big fan of shorter, faster strokes. I like to move the toy in and out faster and faster, allowing to intensity of the moment to take over me and overwhelm my body, leading to toe-curling teeth-clenching orgasms as I fuck myself into fast-paced bliss.
If you're going to do shorter, faster strokes, you're more likely to stimulate your G-spot. The G-spot is a couple of inches inside your vagina, so you don't need to go deep-diving to get it aroused.
The only downside about fast strokes is how tiring it can be for your hand. If you're lying down on a bed, try switching between wrist motions and arm motions to move the dildo - it helps you to last longer by using different muscle groups to thrust the toy in and out.
7. G-spot stimulation
Wanna know how to find the G-spot? It's on the upper wall of your vagina (the side closest to your stomach) around 2-3 inches inside. The G-spot is basically a part of the clitoral complex (your clitoris runs deep inside you) which is known for being particularly sensitive.
If you place 1 or 2 fingers inside your vagina and perform the "come hither" motion towards the entrance of your vagina, you might feel a certain tingle of pleasure from the G-spot. Find it, understand it, and know what this sexual pleasure feels like.
Once you've found the G spot, use a rigid dildo (preferably with bumps and details) and slowly "drag it across" this area to massage the G-spot with a dildo. Firm dildos made from materials like glass and stainless steel are particularly good for G-spot play.
8. Filled up
Some of us just wanna feel like we've got a massive fucking cock inside us, and that's okay.
Even though most of our sensitive nerve endings are found in the first 1/3 of the vagina, there's something psychologically arousing about taking a massive cock in your pussy... what can I say?
You might want to experiment with slowly thrusting a large 6-8-inch dildo inside your vagina, or you might want to leave yourself "plugged up" with a large dildo while rubbing your pussy or playing with a bullet vibrator on your clitoris.
9. Double penetration
Many women have fantasies about double penetration - taking cocks in the ass and the vagina at the same time for the ultimate sensation of being filled up with cocks. Sounds fun!
Why not try wearing a buttplug while using a dildo in your pussy? Alternatively, you could try using an anal dildo in your butt instead of a buttplug.
If you put a dildo in your ass, make sure that it has a flared base and DEFINITELY use lube - the ass does not have any natural lubrication, despite what the Brokeback Mountain sex scene implies.
Also, NEVER take a dildo from your ass and put it into your vagina without cleaning it first. Those are two environments that are best kept away from each other.
10. Rock 'n roll!
Thrusting in and out can get boring and repetitive, so why not try rocking your dildo back and forth inside you while keeping it in roughly the same depth of your pussy?
Rocking your dildo back and forth feels particularly pleasurable if you concentrate the motions towards the bottom wall of your vagina (the side closest to your ass).
It's only the Rock 'n Roll dildo technique... but I like it!
11. Rotating dildo technique
Thrusting a dildo in and out of your pussy is so old-school... why not shake things up a little? Try inserting a dildo around 2-3 inches inside your pussy in prime G-spot stimulation range.
Now, slowly rotate the dildo while keeping it at the same depth inside your body. This will gently caress the G-spot and massage the inside of your pussy.
Treat your dildo like a rotisserie chicken, but sexier and vegan-friendly.
12. A-spot stimulation
You've heard of the G-spot, but what about the A-spot?
The A-spot, fully known as the Anterior Fornix Erogenous zone, is a deep internal pleasure spot sometimes referred to as the "female prostate" because it's in a similar position to the prostate gland found in men.
This pleasure zone is located approximately 4-6 inches inside the vagina on the anterior side of the vagina - the side closer to your stomach. It has the potential to create deep vaginal orgasms like you've never felt before.
To reach this spot, you're best using a curved dildo like the Njoy Eleven or Njoy PureWand. Don't hammer it to death (it's very close to your bladder) but massage it slowly with your dildo by "stroking" this deep pleasure spot.
13. Using a dildo anally
Don't neglect the anus!
Although women don't have a prostate like men, the anal tract is still full of sensitive nerve endings that feel great when you slide a dildo past them.
Not to get too crude, but you know how pooping can feel kinda... good? It's like that, but much more intense and fun. On the topic of poop, you might wanna consider anal douching before play.
Anal dildo play requires a ton of lube - try oil-based lube like coconut oil if you want something very longlasting. You probably want a silicone dildo which has a little flexibility to make everything more comfortable.
Personally, I find that the most comfortable anal dildo position is lying down on my side with my knees bent up toward my chest. For me, this position allows me to easily angle my hand to get the toy inside me with a decent amount of force.
If you're struggling, you could try using a suction cup dildo, mounting it on a hard floor, and then squatting over the dildo and "sitting" on it slowly. The gravity helps the toy to go inside your butt, but take it easy nonetheless.
Anal play is great fun. If you have a male partner, you might even talk them into anal pegging too!
Also... just to reiterate this for the 27th time, only use anal dildos which have a flared base. Your butt doesn't have those muscles that can squeeze out a dildo - if you lose a dildo inside your butt, you're probably going to hospital.
14. Temperature play
If you've got a glass or stainless steel dildo, you could try some temperature play for a little extra sensation.
Basically, with glass and steel dildos, you can cool them down or warm them up by placing them in a bowl of warm/cold water for a few minutes before play.
Some ladies really enjoy the tingling coolness of a cold steel dildo, while others (like myself) enjoy the feeling of a warm glass sex toy inside them.
It's all about your personal preference, but hot and cold dildos add a whole new dimension of sensation to the dildo experience!
I hope you enjoyed this guide on how to use a dildo! Of course, every woman's experience is different, so there's no wrong or right way to use a dildo so long as you're being safe and having fun.
Ultimately, this is about getting intimate with your body, understanding what turns you on, and exploring some of the most powerful erogenous zones on the human body. Count me in!