As I’m writing this blog, my penis is stinging like a fucking scorpion and I have an uncomfortable and never-ending urge to pee. My bladder feels like someone is squeezing on it and my urethra seems like it’s about to split at the tip.
I haven’t been able to masturbate for nearly a week, and doing basically anything results in squirming pain/discomfort down the entire length of my penis and bladder. When I do pee – which is often because I’m downing gallons of cranberry juice – it burns like hell. To make matters worse, I bloody hate cranberry juice.
This is what happens when you don’t wash your sex toys properly.
I feel rather ashamed to be honest, because all of this is my fault. As a sex toy reviewer, I should know the importance of sex toy hygiene. Alas, I’m a flawed human like the rest of you, so I’m guilty of not always practising what I preach. I naively assumed that you cannot get a serious infection from your own body – I was wrong, very wrong.
How did I get this urinary tract infection (UTI)?
As far as I can tell, I got this UTI from one of my Aneros prostate massager toys. Last week I was in the mood to chase one of those super-intense prostate orgasms that Aneros are so famous for, so I spent 3 consecutive nights massaging my prostate with the Helix Syn Trident, the Maximus Trident, and the Progasm. You shouldn’t massage your prostate that frequently, generally speaking, but it seemed safe to do so and I wasn’t experiencing any negative effects.
Now, I always play with prostate toys late at night when I’m in bed, as you usually need 1-2 hours of not being disturbed when it comes to prostate play. This means that when I’m finished, I’m usually very tired and end up falling asleep without washing the toys. The next time I come to use them, I’d often give them a once-over with a baby-wipe or sex toy wipe if I was being lazy.
This lackadaisical attitude to sex toy cleaning allowed some bacteria to flourish on one of my Aneros prostate massagers during this 3-day bender. These bacteria presumably made their way onto my hands during a session. During prostate play sessions, if I need to speed things up a little bit and get my libido going, I’ll do things like play with my nipples or stroke my frenulum on the head of my penis.
As you can imagine, it seems that my bacteria-laden finger stroked the head of my penis pretty much directly onto the urethra. I couldn’t have given the little fuckers a more direct route if I tried. I’ve had urine infections in the past, but none as bad as this. Sure, bacteria make their way into places that they shouldn’t every now and then, but I gave them a first-class ticket to the urinary tract express. Choo choo.
What happens now?
I went to the walk-in centre closest to my house, which is basically a doctor’s clinic that you don’t need an appointment for – you just turn up and wait until they eventually get to you. After meeting a couple of doctors, peeing in a cup, and skirting some embarrassing questions, I was prescribed some antibiotics and sent on my way.
After paying £9 at the pharmacy, I received my pivmecillinam hydrochloride tablets and was ordered to go to their STI clinic if things don’t get better in the next few days. I assured them that it’s not an STI, but I’m sure they’ve heard that a million times before, so I understand their doubt. If I was in their shoes, I’d assume I had chlamydia too.
So now I’m on a cocktail of painkillers and antibiotics for the next few days and anything fun with my penis is pretty much out of the question. As someone who writes about sex toys all day, I’ve been a tad sexually frustrated because of this. On the one hand, I still find things arousing, on the other hand, it’s easy to stop being horny when your cock stings like a bitch.
Clean your sex toys people!
Being from the UK, I’m lucky that doctor’s visits cost me basically nothing. However, I know that many of you are from the states, where you often have to weigh up the cost of going to a clinic and getting a UTI, STI, or similar ailment seen to. Whether you’re lucky enough to get free healthcare or not, no one wants a UTI or similar infection to ravage their genitals.
So consider this my public service announcement – clean your sex toys thoroughly EVERY TIME!
Like many of you, I once thought that a “quick clean” with wipes would suffice as long as I did a “proper clean” with soap and water every 2-3 uses. No more! After this harrowing and painful experience, I plan on washing my sex toys thoroughly with warm water and soap after every use.
I am particularly going to be careful with anal toys from now on, especially if there’s another chance that I could transfer bacteria from my anus to my penis. I should point out that this is a problem for many women too – women frequently get UTIs by wiping their bottom back to front (i.e. towards their vagina) after they have a poo.
In fact, a woman’s urethra is only 1.5 inches long on average, so it’s significantly shorter than a man’s, which travels down the length of his penis. For this reason, women are significantly more likely to get UTIs than men, yet here I am! Ladies, if it can happen to me with my lengthy urethra, it can more easily happen to you and your short one!
I know that I’ve certainly learned my lesson from this experience; I just hope that you can all heed my warning too. Next time I consider being lazy and not washing a sex toy, I’ll remember what it feels like to have knives shooting out of your piss-hole.
By the way, the idea that cranberry juice is good for UTIs is a myth:
Just get lots of fluids, and vitamin C tablets since excreting vitamin C in your urine makes it a less hospitable environment for bacteria:
Noted! Thank you 🙂
Hi omg i have this problem RIGHT NOW think i might have a kidney infection, can u please tell me what happened with u? I feel like shit and most of all very scared…
I felt like I needed to pee constantly, sitting down was awkward, and I felt like I was very constipated. If you think you’ve got a serious problem then you should go straight to a doctor and get checked out.
Hello, I am a 17-year-old male from the U.S. I am currently in this same situation as the one you mentioned above. I have some questions to ask you; I am in desperate need. Let me tell you about my experience first. I, (was) a habitual porn watcher (because this infection puts to much pain and inflammation on me that I am unable to continue) and masturbated while watching all these arousing videos. I masturbated almost every day. However, I got tired of this same routine of self-stimulation, so I searched for new and creative ways of self-stimulation. I discovered anal or prostate stimulation. After discovering this, I imprudently got one drum stick that I use to play the drums, I didn’t wash it, and covered it with Anti Dandruff Head and Shoulders Shampoo (I used it as lube) and inserted it into my Anus. After the session ended, I just got some baby wipes and cleaned myself normally. I only did this once because I didn’t feel satisfied. So, I continued my normal masturbation routine. My life continued perfectly until three months later, I began to feel a sensation in my anus, like if someone was poking me with needles. This happened on a Saturday. On Monday, after school, this needle sensation intensified, but now, I began to feel pain and pressure on my bladder. Also, I had pain in my testicles. The next day, on Tuesday, I had a burning sensation while peeing and I began to feel pressure in my anus, a feeling similarly like being constipated. On Wednesday, all of these symptoms intensified greatly and the pain, from a scale from 1-10 was an 8. I went to the Emergency Room, and thank God I have medical insurance. Before I continue, I need to say this. My parents and I are Christian and are very strict. My life is pretty controlled and monitored by them. If I told them the things I was doing, they would be very angry, would spank me, and even tell me to pack my things and leave. So, I told them that I had a burning sensation when I peed, felt pain in my bladder, thought i had a UTI, and wanted to go to the E.R. Thankfully, I got them to take me to the E.R. At the E.R, they asked me if I was sexually active, and I said no. I haven’t had sex with anyone, I have only masturbated. They did all of the urine cultures and there was no sign of an infection. When the doctor asked me if I had lied about being sexually active, I insisted that I had not. He told me that if I was, I wouldn’t get the help I needed and testing for STDs would help discover the bacteria. I said that I wasn’t. The results were negative, but the doctor questioned the cause of this. So, in hopes of not wanting him or my Dad to ask further questions (because I didn’t want to confess all my actions in front of my dad), I told the doctor that I had consumed excessive amounts of apple cider vinegar for weight loss purposes. I said that maybe this was the cause of the burning sensation, and he agreed and attributed those sensations to that. He told me to go to a clinic again if the pain continued. The week passed, and I hoped that the symptoms would disappear. I drank excessive amounts of water, took green tea, consumed garlic, in hopes of clearing the infection. Unfortunately, the intensity of the pain and discomfort would disappear, but they continued. Look, I am 17, I don’t drive, I have no friends, and I am always at home, except when I go to church, school, store, etc. I cannot go to a clinic by myself, see a doctor, and tell them my situation. I have a reputation and the only way of getting help was by telling my experience, and this would be awful for me because of my parents. This happened in October 2019, and the time I have written this, it is September 7, 2020. Almost a year. My life is miserable, I am in pain, suffering, anxiety, depression, and excessive worry. I depend on green tea, turmeric, horsetail, and such things to help me and God also has helped throughout this journey. I feel that I developed prostatitis, fungal prostatitis (maybe the shampoo turned into fungi), and a testicular infection because all the symptoms of these two diseases are the same as I have. I think that all these germs from the drumstick and the Dandruff Shampoo entered through my anus and leaked somehow to the prostate. It took three months for me to feel the infection. Then, I think that the bacteria from the prostate leaked into the testicles. My symptoms are the following: Excessive urination (I pee about 12-16 times daily). I have pain while urinating. I feel an anal fullness sensation. I feel a consent needs to urinate. My testicles hurt, and although this may sound strange or confusing to understand, I feel that my testicles are more losser and my left testicle move around. This is also another problem. My question is: Do you think this is what is happening to me? Are you completely cured? Do you think you had prostatitis (infection of the prostate because the germs from your anus leaked into the Prostate?) Can bacteria go undetected in urine analysis? Could you give me some advice and guidance? Do you know of any natural supplements or herbs that can help me? I am almost 18, (18 next month) but I don’t have a driver’s license and I need to pass the Knowledge test. This can take a while. I am planning on lying to my parents one day and telling them that I am going to, I don’t know, going to the store or somewhere. I would use this time to visit a health facility and hopefully, getting my problem fixed. Thank you for your time and I hope you can help me and anyone that may read this. I just want to note that I have started consuming colloidal silver because I discovered promising research that states this can kill bacteria or fungus from the prostate. I hope this is a cure because I can’t my hands on antibiotics. Thank you again.
Hey, really sorry to hear that this is happening to you mate. I had symptoms of both prostatitis and a tight pelvic floor, but I’m not sure which it was. Luckily I’m in the UK where healthcare is free and I’m in my 20s so I just went to hospital on my own. For me, my anxiety was worsening the situation and when I relaxed the symptoms slowly went away. I can’t answer your medical questions because I’m just not qualified to give that kind of advice. Is there a way you can visit the hospital with your parent but ask them to give you some privacy so you can tell the doctors what happened? You really need to go to clinic and be 100% honest with them. It will be embarrassing (it was for me too) but medical staff have heard all of this stuff before (or similar). It’s crap to be so embarrassed for those few minutes but you 100% need to get this checked out by a doctor who knows the full scope of the situation.
You need to see a urologist, urine culture and semen culture to look for bacteria. The shampoo could have irritated your prostate and gave non bacterial prostatitis.
I’m currently in a lot of pain right now Im peeing blood and my stomach is killing me . I’m a virgin and I used a dildo for the first time a couple days ago so this is the only awnser . This helped me and I’m gonna talk to a docter
Always get medical assistance if you’re worried and you’re able to. Hope all is well!
Omg this happened to me twice! I didn’t even know that it’s because of my sex toy! I even have a ultra sound next monday to be check if I have a problem on my kidney!
I mean it could be unrelated to your sex toys so it’s always good to get it double checked!