Have you ever fantasized about candle wax melting onto your skin? Maybe you enjoyed that scene in 9 ½ weeks where Mickey Rourke melts an ice cube on Kim Basinger's body? Whether it’s hot or cold, temperature play is one of the most common sexual fetishes shared by lots of men and women.
But what is temperature play, and how can you do it safely? Let’s dive in!
What is Temperature Play?
Temperature play is all about exploring intense sensations with hot and cold objects for sexual pleasure. Obviously, the heat or coolness involved needs to be exciting but body-safe – we’re not looking for a trip to the hospital here.
Ice cubes and candles are the most common household items used for temperature play, producing tingling cold or sizzling hot sensations on your skin.
- Ice cubes are generally safe to put on your skin, but it is not advised to put them inside your vagina or anus – ice dildos are not a good idea
- Melted candle wax is ONLY for external use on your skin – it’s strongly advised to use special low-temperature candles designed for melting onto the body
Although you might not think it, temperature sex play is a form of sensation play – one of the main sex kinks associated with BDSM. It’s one of the many fetishes listed in our list of kinks and is often combined with bondage and blindfolds.
Hot and Cold Sex Toys
If you want to explore hot and cold sensations inside your vagina or anus, then you need to turn to purpose-built sex toys that are safe for temperature play.
Luckily, there are numerous ways to explore different temperatures inside you with sex toys:
- Stainless Steel Sex Toys quickly adapt to heat, so you can heat them up or cool them down very quickly, but they return to body temperature fairly quickly
- Glass Sex Toys take a long time to absorb temperature but retain it for a long time once they reach the temperature, so they stay hot/cold inside your body for longer
- Automatically Heated and Cooled Sex Toys are purpose-built sex toys which electronically heat themselves up or cool themselves down to a certain temperature, but they are quite expensive and have safety concerns
So yes, while temperature controlled toys do exist, they’re rare and often poorly-reviewed. You’re much safer using a glass/metal toy and controlling the temperature without electronics.
Putting an electronically heated device in your vajeen sounds like it’s inviting all kinds of trouble. No thanks.
Heating up and Cooling Down Metal Dildos
There are various ways to change the temperature of metal and stainless steel sex toys, but the safest option is to use water.
If you want to heat up your toy, place it in a bowl of hot (not boiling) water for 2 minutes, allowing it to adjust to the temperature. Once it’s warmed up, carefully take it out of the bowl and begin play! You probably want to use a small amount of lubricant to help keep things comfortable, and remember that metal sex toys will lose heat fairly quickly.
Similarly, if you want to cool your metal toy down, place it in a bowl of cold water for 2 minutes. You might want to try using ice cubes or place it in the fridge for a while beforehand. Your toy will begin to warm up once it's inside you, so this is best for fast temperature play.
Toys to use
For this kind of play, you want to use a high-quality toy, preferably one made from premium stainless steel which is non-porous, easy to clean, and able to be used with any kind of lubricant. These are my personal recommendations:
- Njoy Pure Stainless Steel Buttplug if you’re after a hot or cold stainless steel buttplug
- Njoy Purewand for G-spot and P-spot stimulation
- Lovehoney Desire Beaded Stainless Steel Dildo for interesting sensations
- Njoy Eleven Extra Large Stainless Steel Dildo for the size queens out there!
How to Heat Up and Cool Down Glass Sex Toys
Again, the safest way to heat up or cool down glass toys is to use a bowl of water. Some people suggest putting them in the fridge, for example, but you could be subjecting your toy to all sorts of bacteria in that environment, so I wouldn’t personally recommend it.
Also, bear in mind that with glass sex toys, you want to make sure that they’re made from a high-quality borosilicate glass which is designed to withstand extreme temperature changes and shattering. It’s similar to the stuff which is used in Pyrex kitchenware.
Even borosilicate glass sex toys can have their weak spots due to a poor annealing process. Dangerous Lilly has a great glass sex toy safety guide which goes into more detail.
Place your toy in a bowl of warm water (not too hot) for 5 minutes, allowing the heat to transfer to the toy. Once it’s warmed up, get ready for play! Glass toys take a while to heat up, but they retain heat more effectively, so they’ll stay warmer for longer than metal toys.
Put your sex toy in a bowl of cold water for 5 minutes. If you want it really cold, try using a few ice cubes in there too. When it's ready, check that the temperature is okay for insertion and then begin play! It will take quite a few minutes for the glass to start warming up to your body temperature.
Toys to use
Some glass sex toys are too sensitive or delicate for temperature play, so you need to be careful about which glass toys you choose. Here are some of my recommendations:
- Spartacus Realistic Glass Dildo is large, in charge, and suitable for vaginal or anal play
- PleasureChest Glass Curved Wand is great for G-spot stimulation
- Icicles No. 25 is a great average-sized glass buttplug
- Fifty Shades Of Grey Glass Massage Wand is perfect for sensual play and temperature teasing
I don’t normally endorse Fifty Shades sex toys, but I’m making an exception today. The BDSM community will lynch me.
I hope you enjoyed this guide to different kinds of temperature sex play! Temperature sensation play adds new and exciting sensations in your sex life, especially when it’s combined with bondage and sensory deprivation. Why not try teasing your partner with an ice cube in bed? They might just like it.
So whether you’re using ice cubes or steel dildos, just remember to keep it safe, keep it clean, and have fun!
My wife does not like dildos
She says it does not feel real and is cold.
Can you give me some advice?
Most of the materials on this list are things like steel and glass, which obviously don’t feel real either.
Maybe you should get a realistic-style 100% silicone dildo and place it in a bowl of warm water for a couple of minutes before giving it to her? That way it will be somewhat warm and semi-realistic.