Sarah Melancon Ph.D

At age 4, I was diagnosed with severe social phobia and a communication disorder called selective mutism; I easily became overwhelmed and frozen around people, often unable to speak — ‘awkward’ should have been my middle name.  Fast forward to adulthood, and no wonder sexuality and relationships were equally fascinating and confusing!  But despite getting a Ph.D., reading all the books; listening to all the podcasts; working with therapists, coaches, and healers; running a YouTube channel with millions of views and a podcast downloaded by tens of thousands each month; speaking at sexuality conferences, and even asking my fellow colleagues for advice — I was still left without a complete answer or an effective way out.  There was no obvious “diagnosis” for my experience, and as selective mutism took over my life once again, my life and career began to fall apart.

I was first introduced to the “answer” in 2015 through a podcast interview with Stephen Porges, on his Polyvagal Theory about the autonomic nervous system.  Only a few months prior, a therapist was amazed to point out, “You just cycled from fight to flight to freeze within only 90 seconds” and my reaction was, “Huh?”  While I only understood about 10% of what Porges said, deep down I knew Polyvagal Theory somehow explained both my social and sexual issues.  Life has a funny way of (eventually) leading us to the right path, however, and developing PTSD after a traumatic childbirth ironically shined a light on my world of growing darkness.  Diving into the world of trauma, neurobiology, and somatic healing approaches, I not only came to understand Polyvagal Theory and how I developed PTSD (and published a book chapter on both) but FINALLY, my social phobia, selective mutism, and sexual problems made sense! 

My painful journey showed me that while our sexual desires can be a path to greater intimacy and connection, they also reveal our deepest fears, hopes, dreams, and traumas that we keep hidden in the shadows, unconsciously re-creating the same emotional wounds that keep us disconnected and stuck.  By cultivating embodied awareness, learning self-compassion, and healing the underlying traumas endemic to modern society, our most hidden corners of shame can become our greatest sources of power.  I’ve come to believe that human beings are wired for relationships, and that embracing the awkward by connecting with greater love, authenticity, and intimacy is one of the life’s most profound and meaningful experiences.

Approach:

My approach is based on the work of Stephen Porges, Peter Levine, Bessel Van Der Kolk, Dan Siegel, Deb Dana, Pat Ogden, David Treleaven, Stanley Rosenberg, Stephen Karpman and dozens of others in the field of trauma, neurobiology, and somatic therapies. 

In the field of sexuality and relationships, my influences include Diane Poole Heller, Stan Tatkin, Barry Komisurak, Cindy Meston, Lori Brotto, Beverly Whipple, John Bankroft, Sheri Winston, Emily Nagosaki, Francois de Carufel, and John and Julie Gottman, combined with decades of research on the autonomic nervous system, trauma, attachment, and sexual function.  Notably, these lists are incomplete, as I’m always learning!

I take a holistic, somatic approach in my current work with men recovering from erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation.  I am honored to witness my clients’ vulnerability, self-discovery, and courage, whether at age 18 or 85.  Having been in their shoes, I am grateful to bring a sense of acceptance, understanding, and healing to my clients’ lives, and frequently hear, “You’re so easy to talk to!”  While I am not (yet) trained in Somatic Experiencing (SE), I have completed Irene Lyon’s Smart Body Smart Mind program based largely on the SE approach, completed SE-based workshops with Diane Poole Heller and David Treleaven, and am currently co-authoring a study using SE for eating disorder patients in recovery.  In addition, I co-created 5 research-backed trauma scales along with SE practitioner Ilene Smith, published in her book, Moving Beyond Trauma.

While my current focus is on men, I have a wealth of knowledge on women’s sexuality and in the future, intend to work with women and couples as well.

Media:

I don’t actually believe experts exist, because there’s always more to learn.  However, I’m grateful to have shared my knowledge and been quoted as one in dozens of outlets, including Cosmopolitan, Shape, Bustle, Men’s Health, AskMen, Good Housekeeping, High Times, Instyle, Lifehacker, Psych Central, Community Psychiatry, Healthline, Health.com, Womens-Health.com, Livestrong, MindBodyGreen, Tinder Swipelife, o.School, Kinkly, and Giddy.

Check out some of my favorite articles:

• The Advent of Psychedelic Therapy for Low-Libido Women
• Is It Safe to Use CBD While Pregnant?
• It’s Been 14 Years Since My Assault & I Still Struggle With Sober Sex 
• A Sexpert’s Guide to Figuring Out If You’re ‘Good in Bed’ 
• Stealthing is a Sex Crime
• How Long is Too Long Without Sex in a Relationship?
• The Difference Between Sexual Urge and Physical Arousal
• Should We Talk About Our Sexual Pasts With a New Partner?  
• What Are Emotional Aphrodisiacs, and How Can They Help Your Sex Life? 
• Your Nervous System is to Blame For How You Argue With Your Partner 
• What Does an Orgasm Feel Like? 

Posts by Sarah