As Roger from American Dad said in The Kink Song, somewhere deep down inside
you’ve got a kink!
But, what is a kink? We can generally define kink as an “unusual taste in sexual behavior”. This could be anything from a foot fetish to full-on whipping and spanking.
There is a slight difference between kinks and fetishes, as explained in this Kink vs Fetish video, but to keep things simple, I’ll be using the two terms interchangeably.
This list is split into 3 sections: Vanilla Kinks, BDSM Kinks, and Extreme Kinks.
-Vanilla Kinks – “mild” sexual kinks that most partners are happy to try
-BDSM Kinks – “moderate” or more extreme sex acts that incorporate aspects of BDSM
-Extreme Kinks – “extreme” kinks and risky sexual practices
So whether you’ve just watched 50 Shades or you’re a seasoned fetishist, here is our definitive list of kinks!
Vanilla Kinks and Common Fetishes
This section is comprised of mild kinks and “vanilla kinks” that most couples are happy to try in the bedroom. In other words, they’re not too extreme or scary.
But, what is vanilla sex? According to the vanilla urban dictionary definition, vanilla in a sexual context means: “The opposite of kinky. Not in any way involved with BDSM.”
“Vanilla” comes from vanilla ice cream, implying that “vanilla sex” is the plainest – it’s the common “safe” flavor that everyone has tried.
Here is our list of vanilla kinks which aren’t too extreme:
1. Traditional Roleplay
This refers to roleplay scenarios that are commonly used in the bedroom – the kind of scenarios you get in cliché ‘70s porn films! A plumber comes to “fix the plumbing”, a sexy French Maid seduces a houseguest, etc.
2. Lingerie and Sexy Outfits
Whether it’s lacy panties or a sweaty jockstrap, revealing outfits can help to build sexual arousal and get one’s kinky juices flowing. Men and women are often aroused by outfits related to certain types of professions, such as a sexy nurse or firefighter.
Rimming, also known as anilingus, is the sexual act of licking a person’s (clean) anus. The butthole has many sensitive nerve endings, so rimming feels really good whether you’re male or female.
Fingering refers to any sexual act where fingers are inserted into the body – usually into the anus or vagina of yourself or another person. Be sure to go slow and use lots of lubrication – our lube guide can help.
5. Food Play
Incorporating food into the bedroom is incredibly common, whether you’re seductively sucking strawberries or melting chocolate onto your partner’s body. There are also many aphrodisiac foods that can help get you in the mood.
6. Filming Yourself
A more vanilla version of exhibitionism, filming yourself having sex is a very common sexual fetish. Even if you never share the video with anyone else, just knowing that you’re being filmed can be a turn-on.
I feel like a porn star when I film me and my partner having sex. I feel like others are watching and getting off on it. It’s really hot.
The art of the striptease is nuanced, but sexy stripping is a huge turn-on for plenty of kinky men and women. The anticipation of the reveal coupled with the sexiness of the dancing can really build sexual arousal for both parties.
8. Oral Sex
Blowjobs, pussy licking, 69ing… oral sex is commonly enjoyed by many. Lots of men, for example, enjoy watching a partner perform oral sex on them while making eye contact.
9. Armpit Fetish
Some have a fetish for armpits, meaning that they find armpits inherently sexy. They might like to sniff them, lick them, or just look at them during sex.
Armpit fetishes are one of the many kinks covered in the gay hanky code – the code of colored handkerchiefs used by gay men and kink fans in the 1970s to indicate interest in different sexual acts when cruising.
Known scientifically as Knismolagnia, tickling your partner (or enjoying being tickled) is a fun and enjoyable kink that is a real turn-on for some.
11. Sex in Different Locations
Get out of the bedroom! Have you tried having sex in the shower? Doing it on the stairs? Getting busy on the washing machine? Take the repetitiveness out of sex by switching up the setting.
“Edging”, also known as orgasm denial, involves bringing your partner to the edge of climax, but stopping before they orgasm. It’s often combined with bondage, but you can do it in a more vanilla way too.
13. Mirror Sex
Have you ever had sex in front of a mirror? It’s fun to watch yourself. It’s a bit like watching porn, but it’s you and your partner in real-time. Some kinksters like to put mirrors on the ceiling above their bed so they can watch while they shag… a bit like Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct, but with less murder.
14. Erotic Massage
Erotic massage usually involves massaging your partner while naked. Sensual massage oils and lotions add to the mood, with your naughty hands slowly but surely gliding to private areas of the body.
15. Dirty Talk
People love dirty talk – it’s a very common kink. You know what I’m talking about:
“Yeah, you like that don’t you”
“I’m gonna fuck you so hard”
“Yeah I love your dick inside me”
You get the picture.
16. Foot Fetish
According to a Men's Health study, 1 in 7 people fantasize about feet in some way. Feet are the most commonly fetishized non-sexual body part, whether you like to sniff them, lick them, suck them, or just look at them.
17. Watching Porn Together
Watching porn with your partner is pretty kinky, especially if you’re both masturbating or pleasuring each other at the same time.
18. Unusual Sex Positions
19. Sex Swing
Sex swings and harnesses are commonly fantasized about. They make sex more comfortable, they give the active partner more power, and they have connotations of submissive/dominant sex.
The Fetish Fantasy 360-Degree Sex Swing is a cheap and versatile sex swing that I’d strongly recommend.
20. Anal Sex
Many have a fetish for anal sex, whether they’re gay, straight, or anything in between. Before attempting anal sex, I’d suggest that you learn how to anal douche and use plenty of longlasting lube.
21. Pegging & Strap-ons
Pegging is a sexual practice where a woman uses a strap-on dildo to anally penetrate her male partner – many see it as a form of gender role reversal. Lesbian women might also enjoy using strap-ons with one another.
22. Sex Toys
Have you tried using sex toys in the bedroom? Many women love using clitoral vibrators like the Lovense Ambi while their partner penetrates them. Bringing sex toys into the bedroom opens up a whole new world of possibilities.
23. Prostate MassageThe prostate is the male G-spot found 2-3 inches inside a man’s rectum. Many men love getting their prostate massaged due to the intense prostate orgasms that can occur. It’s possible for some men to ejaculate hands-free due to prostate stimulation.
24. Cum Fetish
Put simply, a cum fetish is a love of cum. You might like ejaculating, covering someone in cum, getting cum on your face, swallowing cum… the list goes on.
Crossdressing (in a sexual context) usually describes a man who derives sexual pleasure from dressing up as a woman. Some also have an attraction towards men (and women) who crossdress.
After watching the Rocky Horror show, I personally discovered that I found men in fishnets rather attractive.
Sexual fetishes often overlap BDSM, which stands for Bondage, Dominance, Sadism, Masochism. Some also interpret it as standing for Bondage, Discipline, Submission, Masochism.
These sex acts usually revolve around the idea of power exchange, where one person (the “top” or “dom”) has dominance over another (the “bottom” or “sub”) in a consensual sexual manner.
Acts of BDSM might also involve pain, unusual sensations, and aesthetic turn-ons like leather and latex.
1. Power Exchange
This refers to a dominant-submissive relationship between 2 partners. It might just apply to the bedroom, or it could apply to other areas of your life too. It often includes intensive slave training where the bottom has to obey the top’s commands.
When practicing BDSM, you should always have a “safe word” to indicate that you want to stop. If your mouth is gagged, consider a “safe signal” such as rhythmic grunting or a hand movement.
Chastity involves locking away a man’s penis or a woman’s vagina with a special chastity device like the Holy Trainer. The chaste person can only orgasm when their master allows them to.
3. Tickle Torture
Combine tickling with bondage and you end up with tickle torture. It’s a fun kinky thing to try as you watch someone laugh and wriggle around helplessly while tied to a bed!
One of the main tenets of BDSM, sadomasochism refers to enjoying pain being inflicted upon you and/or enjoying pain being inflicted upon others. Pain can be inflicted in many ways, such as pinching, slapping, spanking, whipping, flogging, etc.
The opening scene of Kill Bill famously features a speech about sadism and masochism from the titular character. Obviously, he takes it to the extreme. Don’t go shooting anyone.
Latex fetishists (sometimes called "rubberists") find latex outfits to be sexually arousing, whether they’re wearing latex themselves or observing a partner in latex.
Whether you’re tied to the bed, put into medieval stocks, or stuck in leather ankle cuffs – restricting someone’s freedom of movement and instilling a sense of helplessness is a very common fetish that many people experiment with.
7. Rough Sex
Slapping, pounding, hair-pulling… rough animalistic sex enhances sexual arousal for lots of people. Just keep it relatively safe!
8. Nipple Clamping
Nipples are powerful erogenous zones for both men and women – nipple clamping is just a more extreme version of nipple stimulation. Nipple suckers are great for amateurs, while Japanese clover clamps are favored by pros.
9. Taboo Roleplay
Are you a POC who enjoys being called racist names in bed? Perhaps you’re a gay man who enjoys being taunted with homophobic slurs? Experimenting with taboos is a fun fetish, just be careful to avoid trauma and triggers.
10. Rape Fantasies
Up to 66% of women have rape fantasies at least occasionally, though fantasies of being raped can be experienced by both men and women. This form of “consensual non-consent” allows you to give permission for a partner to “rape” you at any time under certain conditions, though this kink remains controversial in the fetish community.
11. Sensory Deprivation
Sensory deprivation is all about taking away your senses to heighten sexual arousal – it’s commonly explored with blindfolds and earplugs.
12. Candle Wax Play
Melting hot candle wax onto someone’s body is thrilling, feels interesting, and carries a sense of danger. You’ll often see this in S&M scenes.
I’d recommend a guide on how to do wax play before trying this kink. Not all candles are safe for melting onto the skin!
13. Sensation Play
Sensation play is all about experimenting with different sensations in the bedroom. Common tools for this kink include ice cubes, feather dusters, and claw scratchers.
14. Age Roleplay
Age play is about playing an age different from your own. It’s usually a mixture of older/younger partners.
DDLG (Daddy Dom Little Girl) is a form of age roleplay where women pretend to be submissive little girls and men pretend to be their dominant daddies. The r/ddlg subreddit is great for DDLG fans.
Rubber fetishists are sexually aroused by wearing/seeing sexy rubber outfits. This often has some crossover with the latex fetish and sometimes the terms are used interchangeably.
16. Impact Play
Impact play is a common kink where one person hits another for pleasure. This could be in the form of spanking, flogging, whipping, caning, etc.
In a sexual kink context, imprisonment is about being locked up in a cage (or locking someone else up) until a top allows you to be released. Some enjoy a sexual thrill from this loss of control and freedom.
Spanking is a form of punishment and sadomasochism that is often incorporated into roleplay and dirty talk scenes. OTK Spanking (over-the-knee spanking) is when the spanker puts the spankee over their knee like a naughty child.
Whipping is a form of impact play – the sexual arousal comes from the pain, fear, and anticipation of the next strike. Whipping can be very dangerous and only certain "safe zones" on your body can be whipped safely without excess pain or damage. This kink is not for amateurs!
20. Ball Gags
Ball gags reduce someone’s ability to speak and breathe normally. They are usually incorporated into power exchange and bondage scenes. Some men and women also have a kink for gagging on penises, fingers, and other body parts.
21. Leather Kink
Lots of kinksters simply get turned on by wearing and seeing leather! In BDSM stores, you’ll often find leather boots, harnesses, hats, dresses, and more.
Queening, also known as “facesitting”, is a sexual act whereby a woman sits on a partner’s face while they perform oral sex on her. You can even get BDSM queening chairs designed to make this kink more comfortable.
23. Puppy Play
Common in the LGBTQ+ community, puppy play is when a submissive partner dresses in puppy-like fetish gear, yaps like a dog, and crawls around on all fours at the whim of their human “master”. Pups often wear dog tail buttplugs and leather harnesses.
To me, puppy play combines kinky power exchange with the inherent cuteness of puppies.
As you may have guessed, electrostimulation is an extreme kink where special electrical equipment is used to zap the body for sexual excitement!
Piercing is a BDSM fetish where kinksters enjoy being pierced with special hypodermic needles. It’s often combined with bondage, and should only be attempted by experts.
Extreme fetishes usually involve an element of danger. Most of these sex acts should be carried out by professional fetishists or very experienced kinky people who take all the necessary safety precautions.
Many of these could also be classed as extreme BDSM, and some of them may disturb more sensitive readers.
1. Cock and Ball Torture (CBT)
Cock and ball torture is about torturing a man’s penis and testicles for sexual pleasure. This could involve biting, scratching, clothes-pegging, and a variety of special CBT toys like the spiked crusher. CBT is one of the most common fetishes discussed on forums like FetLife.
Fet Life is a fetish-themed social media site where kinksters can talk about their weirdest fetishes without judgment.
2. Medical Play
Regular doctor-patient roleplays are harmless enough, but more extreme medical play can involve specialized equipment like skin staplers and speculums.
Cuckolding is a type of kink where a man enjoys watching his wife have sex with other men. The man is usually present when his wife is fucking the other man – he might masturbate while watching. Cuckholding porn has become very popular in recent years.
4. Pussy Pumping
Pussy pumps are sexual devices used to pump up a woman’s vagina and/or clitoris, giving her vagina a swollen, engorged look, as well as increasing sensitivity. Many women enjoy the feeling of blood rushing to their pussy, while some find the look of an engorged pussy to be sexy.
5. Penis Pumping
Penis pumps like the Bathmate Hydromax 7 are used to increase the size of a man’s penis over time, but they can also temporarily give the penis an engorged look and increased size. Some people have a fetish for a freshly-pumped penis!
6. Golden Showers
Also known as piss play or watersports, “golden showers” are a fairly common kink where people enjoy urinating on other people or being urinated on themselves. Some people might have someone pee in their mouth and then swallow it, which can carry health risks.
Despite what you might have heard, urine isn't actually sterile. Be safe and sensible when playing with piss.
7. Group Sex
Group sex, swinging, and orgies are a common kink for many people, though you should obviously be careful to practice safe sex with strangers. There are tons of great hookup sites to help you find multiple sexual partners and swingers.
Scatophilia is an extreme fetish for human feces. Scat fans may enjoy many sexual activities involving poop, such as tarmacking.
9. Breath Control
A form of extreme power exchange, breath control involves things such as choking and covering the mouth/nose of a submissive partner to control their breath. Obviously, this fetish is extremely dangerous and should only be practiced by experienced professionals.
Exhibitionism is enjoying people viewing (or potentially viewing) you having sex or masturbating. It could refer to public sex, having sex in the window, or having sex on live webcam for internet viewers. Exhibitionism is inherently risky, but it’s incredibly thrilling for many fetishists!
11. Blood Play
Blood play is an extreme blood fetish where people may drink or “suck” the blood of others for sexual pleasure. It’s often tied in with vampire roleplay and (safe) biting.
Fisting is a sexual act where a top inserts their fist (and sometimes their wrist or lower arm) into a bottom’s anus or vagina. Fisting is extremely dangerous and requires serious trust between the two partners. Special equipment like long-lasting fisting cream lube and fisting gloves is essential for this kink.
13. Urethral Sounding
Urethral sounding is a very extreme kink that involves putting sterilized sounds (thin metal rods) down the urethra of a man’s penis or woman’s vagina. If the rod goes far enough, it can directly touch a man’s prostate, creating intense sexual pleasure. Obviously, this is extremely dangerous and requires tons of special preparation from an expert.
Some people have an unusual sexual fetish for vomit and vomiting – this is known as Emetophilia. People with this unique kink might enjoy vomiting on others or being vomited on in a sexual context.
I’d be interested to know what vomit fetishists thought of that famous Lady Gaga SXSW performance of "Swine" where British performance artist Millie Brown vomited green paint on Gaga as she sang.
It’s been a wild ride, but that concludes our list of kinks and fetishes! I’ve tried to include a little bit of everything from various sexual realms, but there are always new and exciting kinks to tick off your sexual checklist.
If you enjoyed this list, feel free to share it with your friends, partner, fuckbuddy, whoever… you might end up having an extremely kinky and enjoyable evening!
If you have any fun kinks or fetishes of your own, why not tell us about them in the comments below?